Connect The Dots
"Often a simple, creative solution is waiting just around the corner... in your subconscious mind"
I worked with a client a few years ago who wanted to quit smoking. Health was an important value for her. She ate healthy foods, exercised regularly and actually worked part time in the health industry as a massage therapist as well as three days a week in administration. So her addiction to smoking was really incongruent with her core values. It simply wasn’t serving her anymore.
To identify her motivation for smoking I asked her what she would miss if she quit. Her answer was “Smoking with my friends at work.” She told me how, because she only worked there three days a week, the ‘smokos’ (smoking breaks) they took were her main chance to catch up on what was happening in everyone’s lives. “We all stand round and chat and it feels like a great bond I don’t want to lose,” she told me.
So I asked her, “Is it the smoking that’s important to you, or the connection?”
She replied, “Oh the connection. Definitely the connection.” We talked about other ways she could still maintain the connection whilst fulfilling her value of health."Could you still join them for a ‘smoko’ and not smoke?” I asked her.
“Yes.” she said. “Of course I could. As long as I wasn’t craving a cigarette.”
So we removed her craving for cigarettes, and replaced her habit of connecting via a cigarette and a chat with a healthier option of drinking water whilst still joining her friends for a chat. She found that, each time they took a puff of their cigarette, she would have a sip of water. This maintained her rapport whilst allowing her to truly live her important value of health.
If something isn’t working for you in your life, yet you are reluctant to give it up, ask yourself:
"What is important to me about being, doing or having that thing?"
"What would I miss if it was gone?"
This helps you identify the underlying reason for something. Then ask yourself,
"How can I still have that thing eg connection, whilst letting go of the behaviours that aren’t serving me?"
Often a simple, creative solution is waiting just around the corner… in your subconscious mind. Take the time to connect the dots and increase your performance. Your life performance.